Leaving it At School

My first year changed me. It made me so angry. I was angry all the time. It was directed at the students, at myself, at my girlfriend, at strangers and at the world. Last year I'd go home after a tough day (most days) and bring everything negative with me. Thoughts of misbehaving students would plague my mind late into the night and I would get visibly and verbally pissed trying to pull down a lesson plan for the following day. Doing that made life unnecessarily terrible sometimes and certainly affected how effective I was in the classroom.

By the end of the year I felt as though my general disposition had shifted to something that I certainly didn't want it to be. I was pissed at the school of education, at my students, at myself and at pretty much the entire world for allowing such an impossible job to exist for a rookie teacher. The whole thing sort of built up on top of itself until I was edgy, impatient, and irritable.

You'll see a lot of older teachers in the field angry and bitter with years of nonsense, unrealistic expectations, and unruly students (among other things). I'd imagine the outlook also comes from years of a grinding realization that you can never do enough- that as much as we try, students do fall through the cracks and criticism of the profession from all corners of society is increasing. Whether that's the case or not, the feeling I had wasn't so deeply rooted, but was instead a reaction to one really bad year in the field.

The fact that this year has been better than the last has helped me to release some of the negative feelings I was harboring. Even after the worst day this year I can leave it at school, go home and do what needs to be done without freaking out about miscreant children. Whether I've become more used to the biz, better at controlling my temper, both or something else,I'm better able to leave school with a clear head, relax and get things done at home. It also helps to know that at the end of the day- at the end of the year- things are going to be just fine. Last year I didn't know that was going to be the case.

Today's Wine: Duck Walk Vineyards Boysenberry Fruit Wine. We picked this one up on one of the wine tours we did on Long Island last year. It's tart, not too sweet and pretty great after a meal. I don't think it's widely distributed in stores, but I would recommend visiting the winery if you're ever at the other end of Long Island.

Winter Leave- Coming Back

While Winter Break is incredibly important for getting some rest and regrouping for January and February, it can also be dangerous. Before I left to head back to Kansas last year my assistant principal came by after one of my rougher days to talk about break. He left on a note of, "Make sure you come back from Kansas." If he had said that to the young man who had been in the School of Ed, that young man would have been incredibly indignant and would have either said or thought, "Quit? Do you know who you're talking to?!"

I didn't react that way though. I just looked at my AP and looked at the floor and responded unenthusiastically that he could count on me being back in January. It was clear that it had happened in the past that first-years make it through the fall, head back home for the holidays and then don't show their face in the spring. Seeing how easy they had it or how nice it really was back home certainly can be disheartening. I was also told that come spring when things aren't fixed for some people they cut and run. Perhaps being home over the holidays is a catalyst for that as well.

You might be having a terrible time this year. Teaching your first year is likely the most difficult thing you've ever done and it may very well be the most difficult thing you ever do. I've heard that time and again from veteran teachers and even former teachers who've left the field. The same AP who told me to come back after break was also the one who told me over and over again that next year would be better. While it's nearly impossible for a first year teacher to believe things can be that much better, they can be and are.

As things stand now, if you're already in the thick of it things will probably not get drastically better this year, but you need to stick it out for you and for your students. Quitting the field based on one year of teaching, let alone one semester, is quitting based on the most difficult part of the job without seeing any of the rewards.

Hang in there. It'll get better.

Today's Wine: Domaine Ste. Michelle Brut. That's a bottle of sparkling wine out of Washington State. Happy New Year!

First Year Mentors

Something that got me through the first year was the ability to rely on veteran teachers to advise me on how to fix the problems I was experiencing. During the two weeks leading up to school I was still suffering from the syndrome that struck a lot of us at the School of Ed: a confusion between enthusiasm/knowledge of new ed theories and experience in the field. I was also stricken with a bit of the assumption that being fresh out of college gave us unlimited advantages over our elderly colleagues.

After the shenanigans of the first day of school last year and a second day that wasn't much better, I trashed my carefully planned first unit and went on hands and knees to my mentor. I asked her to give me a lesson- any lesson that could possibly work in front of the students. I admitted for the first time perhaps in my entire life that I had absolutely no idea what to do to solve a problem. "Eating humble pie" seemed like an understatement.

She told me to stand up and walked me step by step through a very basic lesson plan that with which the students would be familiar and that they might actually attempt to complete. It was in that first week that nearly all the arrogance was washed out of me (not all of it, but close). I was so tired and defeated that there was no way that I could think that I was a hot shot of any sort, especially as a teacher.

Things got better in large part because I started asking questions. I asked a lot of questions. In addition to the mentor that the school assigned me (one of the best teachers I've ever met and one of our most senior staff members at the ripe old age of 38), I took on two other mentors- the woman who taught my course the previous year and the assistant principal who actually went through my School of Ed back in Kansas fives year before I did and who had my job a couple years prior. This team of mentors propped me up throughout the year, gave me feedback, lesson plans, and unit plans and saw to it that I survived. Without them it's quite likely I wouldn't have made it.

My advice to newbies is to find a mentor or two who you respect and trust at school. If the mentor the school assigns you is not helpful, which has been the experience of a lot of my friends, do what you have to for them and find another one to actually talk to, bounce ideas off of, and from whom you can get the support you'll need. Make a habit out of talking to them and running ideas by them. They should be able to give you ideas on management and planning that you probably won't think of otherwise.

Today's Wine: Yesterday I went on another wine tour out on Long Island to celebrate the birthday of one of my mentors. We had a lot of wine of course, but I thought I'd slip in a dessert wine to mark the celebration: Duck Walk Vineyard Boysenberry Fruit Wine. It was really tart, but really good and would go well with any fruity dessert.