Leaving it At School

My first year changed me. It made me so angry. I was angry all the time. It was directed at the students, at myself, at my girlfriend, at strangers and at the world. Last year I'd go home after a tough day (most days) and bring everything negative with me. Thoughts of misbehaving students would plague my mind late into the night and I would get visibly and verbally pissed trying to pull down a lesson plan for the following day. Doing that made life unnecessarily terrible sometimes and certainly affected how effective I was in the classroom.

By the end of the year I felt as though my general disposition had shifted to something that I certainly didn't want it to be. I was pissed at the school of education, at my students, at myself and at pretty much the entire world for allowing such an impossible job to exist for a rookie teacher. The whole thing sort of built up on top of itself until I was edgy, impatient, and irritable.

You'll see a lot of older teachers in the field angry and bitter with years of nonsense, unrealistic expectations, and unruly students (among other things). I'd imagine the outlook also comes from years of a grinding realization that you can never do enough- that as much as we try, students do fall through the cracks and criticism of the profession from all corners of society is increasing. Whether that's the case or not, the feeling I had wasn't so deeply rooted, but was instead a reaction to one really bad year in the field.

The fact that this year has been better than the last has helped me to release some of the negative feelings I was harboring. Even after the worst day this year I can leave it at school, go home and do what needs to be done without freaking out about miscreant children. Whether I've become more used to the biz, better at controlling my temper, both or something else,I'm better able to leave school with a clear head, relax and get things done at home. It also helps to know that at the end of the day- at the end of the year- things are going to be just fine. Last year I didn't know that was going to be the case.

Today's Wine: Duck Walk Vineyards Boysenberry Fruit Wine. We picked this one up on one of the wine tours we did on Long Island last year. It's tart, not too sweet and pretty great after a meal. I don't think it's widely distributed in stores, but I would recommend visiting the winery if you're ever at the other end of Long Island.

Buttons and Badges

Sometimes it really pains me to give stuff away to children. It depends on the reason why, of course, but if it's for anything other than on an occasion to show them I like them unconditionally I really question why I'm doing it. When I was in school I strove for success simply because I didn't want to fail. I also had a vague but strong sense that my academic success was important. Last year, a lot of that went down the toilet as I attempted to persuade/bribe my class to behave better. It really bothered me because it was as if to say, "What I am telling you to do is not important enough for you to want to do it inherently, so I'm going to give you a chocolate to make it go down easier." This year I've been giving out awards that are academic in nature rather than out and out bribery. The idea has been to reinforce positive behavior without seeming like it's just an attempt to neutralize the poor behavior.

When I was a kid I was active in scouting. I liked it because it got me away from my five siblings and I was able to do things like camp, hike, rock climb, canoe, set off bottle rockets, shoot guns, smell bad, etc. I also liked it because as I worked through requirements I was given awards that reflected ambition and the ability to follow through on what I wanted to accomplish. Most of the awards/ranks/merit badges I also wore around a lot of the time on my uniform, which not only made me strut a bit more, but I would think made other scouts want to receive similar awards.

This past summer I came up with an idea based on my merit badges and on my aversion to giving pizza parties and shiny pencils to children who behave well just enough to get those things out of you. I bought a button maker. With this magical, $400 contraption, I've made a few hundred buttons and handed them out to my students as awards for real academic achievement after each unit and after major projects and assignments. The beautiful thing about these things is that unlike a certificate that will never be seen after an awards ceremony, I actually have students with them on their backpacks walking around every day reminding students of past content and reminding them that there will be an academic award at the end of the unit. The buttons also aren't candy that will rot their teeth, pizza that will teach them poor eating habits or pencils that will litter my floor by the end of the week.

The button maker decision was also based on my observation of how much my students loved the buttons of Obama I gave out as awards for great campaign speeches in the fall of 2008 (don't worry, they wrote for their candidate of choice and had the option to take Obama buttons as well as McCain buttons), which was my first successful project as a full-time teacher. They wore those things around for the rest of the year and I couldn't help but think two things: they simply liked wearing buttons and if I could get students to wear something that reminded them of the major ideas we covered that it might help keep those things in mind as we progressed through our history curriculum.

Now, this could certainly have been gimmicky and fallen flat had it not been presented properly. To avoid this I made sure that I had student buy-in at the beginning of the year. My first unit was a Bronx History unit designed to raise student interest in my class and get some basic social studies skills underway (mapping skills, etc.). The button for that unit was a Yankee button, which was a big hit and got the students craving the things. Since then I've had a Civil War button with rifles crossed on the front, a class librarian button with books, a technology monitor button with computer on it, a Statue of Liberty button for immigration, a railroad crossing button for industrialization, and a recycling button for my progressives unit. Each has been an image catering to student tastes (punk rock images, graffiti art, etc.) and they've gotten many of even the most off-task students asking for them and wondering about them.

One of the things that first-year teachers often do is pull out prize buckets, buy pizzas, and do whatever they think will possibly calm the class down and get them to work. It's possible that most of it or all of it won't work in the long run. Going into this year I realized I didn't need them nearly as much and that the things I did bring with me (buttons) were based on the synthesis of my own personality and the interests of the students. That made them more genuine awards while keeping students' interest high. It also speaks again to the fact that in order to teach well you need to know your students, but it also has supported the idea that students appreciate things that aren't just cheap junk you might use to get them to be quiet for a minute.

Finding things like this is part of finding your niche in the classroom. This particular thing wouldn't work for a hundred other teachers. Figure out a way to make your classroom stand out in the minds of your students. Once you've found it stick with it and then find the next thing to add to your arsenal. Your students might think it's lame and your co-workers might think it's lame, but if you think it's good and act like it's awesome, your students might very well think the same eventually.

Today's Wine: Charles Shaw Cabernet. I wasn't kidding when I said this was going to be a staple. This past weekend we looked through all the corks we've been saving this year and found that exactly half were from Charles Shaw and probably 90% of those was this wine exactly. While I'd like to vary the selection for this blog, I'd also like to make sure I don't break the bank. Thanks for sticking with me on this one.

At Least You Came to School?

Excuse me? What did you say? At least you came to school?! Is this some sort of gift? Is this some kind of miraculous favor? Did you actually just tell me that your mere presence is supposed to make me satisfied and elated to be a teacher?

So is the attitude of many a student where I work. They come to school because that is what is expected of them. While teachers set real and high expectations as to what should happen in the classroom, those are only followed through with if the students have developed some level of respect for the teacher and then only if a certain level of work ethic has been instilled within them. Students in today's education system, at least the system I work in, show up to school with the understanding that the teachers can do no worse than what's already been dealt them outside of school and that schools will not hold them back no matter what infractions are performed.

This is a battle teachers are losing in the classroom. How's this for trickle-down theory: politicians need school achievement to stay elected, superintendents/chancellors need pass rates and graduation rates to stay appointed, principals need to raise the scores of the disenfranchised to keep their jobs and teachers' very real assessment of students' skills and abilities are ignored as their students are passed on to the next grade. What does that all mean for me? No matter what grades I give my students, they are going to go to high school. Is this a secret? No. Last year we promised, we preached, we shouted until we were blue in the face that the chancellor was finally cracking down, which is what we were told. Our principal- our captain-was going to follow through and hold back half the grade if necessary. Those who did not pass their core subjects AND their state assessments would not be passed on to high school.

Mythical models were proposed as to how we would accommodate it. We discussed class sizes of fifty to be held in the cafeteria and an eighth grade large enough to require herd dogs. What happened? Two out of a hundred were held back. Two students. We held back the young man who attended my class for three partial class periods and who was discharged twice from our school to attend rehab and we held back the young lady who attended my class twice due to the baby she was carrying much of the school term (which was conceived a year and a half after she exited elementary school). I've seen the girl as many times this year, and while the boy did turn in one completed assignment this year- thereby achieving his highest overall grade ever in eighth grade social studies- their "presence" has hardly been enough to send the message to our current students that if they don't get it together they too will barred from attending high school.

Now, I must throw out the disclaimer once again that the majority of students do not show up to school with this attitude. The sad thing is that to be affected by it is unavoidable at times. When good people see others doing the wrong thing and still reap the same rewards as everyone time and again, it is nearly impossible to avoid being disheartened. Holding students back oftentimes ends very poorly for them, but the flip side of the coin is that the battle teachers and motivated students fight to lift them up- the battle to show the nation that they are students and that if they work hard enough they will make it- that battle is made infinitely more difficult to win.

So yes, what I get is a handful of flippant remarks about the privilege given me by a particular student's presence, but what we should consider are the long-term effects. While we do not have what it takes to accommodate those students who drop out early when held back and end up on the street, in jail or worse, we're holding back so many of the students from achieving something more than what their immediate surroundings offer. In the short term the consequences are very obviously brutal for those who drop out. In the long term, they are less obviously so, though arguably just as brutal, for those trying to rise above what was dealt them.

Today's Wine: 3-Buck Chuck trumps Monarch Glen Merlot (2005). The Monarch Glen seemed to lack everything once again. Now, this wine was bought from a bodega in the Bronx and given to us as a gift with a bunch of dust on it and a cork that didn't look as though the bottle had been laying down in a while. Perhaps the wine was oxidized, perhaps not, but when we drank the Charles Shaw afterward, it was really rather delicious.

The Day After Break

Don't expect things to be better after break. Don't expect them to be worse. Go in expecting a lot of the same and work for something better. Your students, though they may not show it, will be relieved to see you after a week and a half away. You have also had a chance to breath away from one another for over a week. Now is not the time to revamp your entire classroom and management plan, but it may be the time to put your foot back down on the ground (or get it there for the first time) and keep it there a bit better than it was before the holidays.

The day after a break provides a unique opportunity to re-establish rules and procedures. Treat it like a fresh start in the classroom, going back over the rules like it was the first day. Concentrate on any of them that were working and if you think adding one or two will make a significant difference, make sure you keep them simple and that you can handle following through on each rule or regulation you want to cover. In the time that you've been in the classroom, it has probably become very apparent that not following through on a single thing you say is very damaging to your ability to govern your classroom. That's why it's important to keep it simple and concise.

A problem I had when people told me this last year was that I would go in to "lay down the law" and expect some kind of drastic improvement. That was always a let down. I would get frustrated after a couple days when one of my classes would go poorly and any small gain I made would go down the drain as I lost it in front of the class. Keep in mind that this is something that could help in the long term; it's not a fix-all, end-all. Regard the day after break as a starting point, not a day to fix all of the problems.

Go back over the rules you want to keep. Don't bring up any that you're going to let go. If you didn't have a sign with the rules up in the classroom, it might be the time to get one. The advantage you can use after coming back from break is just that: an advantage. Don't expect a fresh coat of paint on your management plan to fix all of the problems. Make sure the plan has your solid, core rules and make sure you stick to them better than you did before break. While all your problems won't go away, if you lay out the rules again and stick to them invariably, the students may give you a little back.

Today's Wine: Evodia Garnacha 2008. It took a little time to figure out what the grape on this was. It's from Spain, not too expensive and easy to drink.

Winter Leave- Coming Back

While Winter Break is incredibly important for getting some rest and regrouping for January and February, it can also be dangerous. Before I left to head back to Kansas last year my assistant principal came by after one of my rougher days to talk about break. He left on a note of, "Make sure you come back from Kansas." If he had said that to the young man who had been in the School of Ed, that young man would have been incredibly indignant and would have either said or thought, "Quit? Do you know who you're talking to?!"

I didn't react that way though. I just looked at my AP and looked at the floor and responded unenthusiastically that he could count on me being back in January. It was clear that it had happened in the past that first-years make it through the fall, head back home for the holidays and then don't show their face in the spring. Seeing how easy they had it or how nice it really was back home certainly can be disheartening. I was also told that come spring when things aren't fixed for some people they cut and run. Perhaps being home over the holidays is a catalyst for that as well.

You might be having a terrible time this year. Teaching your first year is likely the most difficult thing you've ever done and it may very well be the most difficult thing you ever do. I've heard that time and again from veteran teachers and even former teachers who've left the field. The same AP who told me to come back after break was also the one who told me over and over again that next year would be better. While it's nearly impossible for a first year teacher to believe things can be that much better, they can be and are.

As things stand now, if you're already in the thick of it things will probably not get drastically better this year, but you need to stick it out for you and for your students. Quitting the field based on one year of teaching, let alone one semester, is quitting based on the most difficult part of the job without seeing any of the rewards.

Hang in there. It'll get better.

Today's Wine: Domaine Ste. Michelle Brut. That's a bottle of sparkling wine out of Washington State. Happy New Year!